A Manifesto of Absence

things i don’t have

artificial intelligence
ashtray
astrological sign
bailout
binary logic
bling
boss
bucket list
cable bill
camouflage
car payments
coffee breath
corporate personhood
cubicle
diabetes
drone
electronic privacy
endorsement deal
fallout shelter
flagpole
frequent flyer miles
frills
gated community
golf clubs
groupies
gymnophobia
handgun
hangover
headphones
heir apparent
homeland security
hunting license
indefinite tenure
inferiority complex
intellectual property
intelligent design
judeophilia
lottery ticket
male enhancement
man cave
manifest destiny
mcmansion
metaphysical dualism
motorhome
offshore account
opioid addiction
pager
party affiliation
passenger pigeon
patron saint
peace dividend
personal assistant
pick-up line
police scanner
progress
red neck
revelation
scleroderma
sea legs
selfie stick
smartphone
social media
spare change
special place in hell
species loyalty
spittoon
tattoo
television
tenants
text messaging
tombstone
traditional rivalry
trophy wife
trust fund
u.s. passport
video games
weapons of mass destruction
wisdom teeth